Crossing the Eighty-Something Frontier
We all hope our aging parents will be robust and independent as they navigate their eighties. Some will, but the majority, nine out of ten, will not. They will become frail or suffer from dementia. They will wind up not being able to take care of themselves. We wish it were different, but the statistics on “older bodies†are blunt: rapid deceleration from eighty on is the norm. How is this information useful?
1. It helps adult children and their aging parent understand the tactical choices they will face in the “eighties zone.†All eighty-something adults are going to need help at some point. What does that help look like? Can our aging parents give up some privacy to stay put? Are they willing to change living spaces if it gives them a better level of control over their lives?
2. It helps adult children and their aging parents understand the financial choices they will face in the “eighties zone.†All forms of additional help is going to cost money. Who will pay for it? Will it come from savings, home equity, or long-term care insurance? What is the best way to manage these costs?
3. It helps adult children and their aging parents understand the emotional choices they will face in the “eighties zone.†The loss of health is going to present some tough decisions. What situations do our aging parents want to avoid? What limits do they want place on medical intervention? When is it time to say goodbye?
These are not just questions we ask our aging parents; they are questions we need to ask ourselves. They not only give us a glimpse of our own future, but they help us feel the ‘weight†of what our parents are facing.
David Solie
Topics: Aging Parents | 4 Comments »
May 15th, 2008 at 5:58 am
My dad turned 81 last December, and all heck broke loose. He’d had triple bypass surgery at the end of October, and since then it’s been downhill, very rapidly. What a shock to all of us. Last fall he was doing very well: volunteering at the hospital, driving, grocery shopping, paying the bills, managing the money, etc. That all was stripped away from him the day he drove himself to the hospital (!) with chest pains. He got through the surgery seemingly OK, but apparently it was more than his 80-year old body and brain could take without damage.
It’s heartbreaking. The only good thing is that now we know how fast things can change; now we know that the illusion of continued good health and independence indefinitely into the 80’s is just that: illusory.
None of my grandparents had lived into their 80’s, so this is completely uncharted territory for my parents and many in their generation. I’m hoping this knowledge will help us plan for our own 80’s, some decades from now.
May 16th, 2008 at 9:55 am
This presumes boomer kids are willing to look realistically at their parents health currently and likely health in the future. We don’t. It’s too painful, too difficult to contemplate.
The questions you’ve posed can be powerful headlamps brightening a dark road, David. But, how do we get Boomers to strap on that illumination?
As M.E. points out living this long requires a paradigm shift in societies approach to the problems of aging.
This post should help nudge our generation in that direction.
May 16th, 2008 at 10:00 am
[...] Solie has another thought provoking post at Aging Parents Insight. This one is on the impact of a parent crossing over the 80 year old mark. [...]
September 2nd, 2009 at 9:23 am
These are 3 very important points that both aging parents and their adult children need to consider. Even better, these points should be openly and honestly discussed so plans can be made before the parents actually get to the point of requiring help.